The Ship
by Duilin
Summary: 'It was always about the ship.' Dedicated to CrackinAndProudOfIt! Post-Kinslaying, Pre-Losgar - on the boat. A story about Amras and the Telerin maiden that hates him and his family.  OC owned by CrackinAndProudOfIt
1. To Ponder and Fling Oneself Off a Ship

**CrackinAndProudOfIt:**

This is for you. :)

Also, I've used Sindarin names instead, because I _really_ do not want to put all of those freaking accent marks on Fëanor's name. This makes my life easier, and this makes my writing less stressed and cramped and...not-so-much effort-placed.

For everyone's convenience...yeah.

(**Note**: My friend, since I wanted to give a little bit of suspense, I decided to add a few spoilers to this story. Which means...suspense for the other story that I know you love. I hope you don't mind.)

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><p><em>Day One - On the Ship<em>

Amras sighed, leaning against the wooden railing of the ship. His deep red hair blew out from behind him, as if reaching for the sea beyond the deck. He glanced from the cabin door to the calm, cerulean sea, and his mind was almost at rest for just a while, calmed by the gentle rocking of the vessel beneath him.

But his heart was not at rest.

His hands were stained with the red of innocents, their life's blood that had dripped off of his fingers, so wickedly elegant. They were no longer soaked in blood, but the trace of it still remained in his very flesh, seared into his fingertips as the memory of feeling liquid flowing down his hands remained with him. As he desperately tried to save his friend, she bled out on the sand, coughing up blood as her stone-grey eyes were filled with sorrow. Another friend of his knelt by the two, and her eyes shone with unrestrained tears.

_"No! No! You have so much ahead of you! Please!" she cried._

_"I'm...sorry... Tell Maedhros that Caranthir...was going to beat him...in that duel anyway... Tell Maglor that...he shouldn't have to...feel unforgiven...anymore."_

As he desperately tried to stop himself from killing any more, he had ended up slaying more than he intended. Their screams were embedded into his mind, and their eyes still haunted him. All of the eyes of the Teleri were grey, and they had been filled with mirth before Fëanor drew his sword.

There had been footsteps...footsteps that had sounded when they raced out of the palace of Alqualondë, following their father to the ships. A deranged light housed itself into Fëanor's brilliant blue eyes, and Amras almost didn't recognise his strong-willed father. It was as if Fëanor was triumphant and losing all at the same time, by the expression on his face. A tortured feel had stayed in his right eye, while a more victorious look took place in his left.

And there were footsteps now.

Amras quickly turned around, sword drawn once more.

When he saw the source of the footsteps, his sword clattered to the wooden deck, and he stared at the Elf before him.

This Elf was silver-haired, and her grey eyes were wide with apprehension as he gaped at her. Her lighted tendrils flowed down her back, and her tunic and pants were in a state of disarray, as if she had tried to change into them quickly. She was barefoot, and her hands were curled up into fists as her expression turned into an expression of utter realisation, and she glared balefully at him.

He blinked.

"You!" she exclaimed angrily, knuckles turning even whiter than her pale skin. "How could you! Your own kind! _My kin!_"

He remained silent as she spoke.

"This ship - you have no right! It is stained with the blood of the Teleri, whom you have slain so mercilessly! They couldn't even defend themselves! These beautiful ships, crafted by Olwë's hands himself! You... You scoundrel!"

She strode forward to strike him, and Amras wasn't about to stop her. But then, her mood apparently changed, because her grey eyes darkened and she turned to the sea, stopping in her tracks. There was a certain longing and regret in her features, as if she had done something to grant her this fate of being trapped on a ship of Kinslayers. Hatred shone brightly in the dark of her irises.

"I hate you."

Amras sighed, back against the wooden railing once again as it took most of his weight. "I know. You should." _I hate myself too._

This only served to make her glare harder before she took off running towards the bow of the ship. Amras saw her intentions, and though he did not know why he did it, he picked up his fallen sword and immediately raced over to the nearest rowboat, cutting loose the ivory ropes that bound it to the ship. Already, the maiden was overboard, her silver head sinking below the surface. He leapt into the small boat, placing his sword hurriedly against the nearest unoccupied space.

Then, Amras worked the oars over to where he last saw her body floundering above water. There was no sign of her, and he felt frustraed. Another one dead.

A flame of anger and pride overtook him, and he pulled off his tunic, diving into the blue water as well.

She was _not_ going to die.

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><p>After grasping her limp hand, Amras pulled them both to the surface and over into the boat, gasping for air. The maiden, however, was breathing, and she didn't seem to happy about the fact that she had been saved when she clearly preferred death.<p>

"I'm not going to say thank you," she said, tone stiff and monotonous.

"I don't want you to," he replied with the same edge as hers. "Now, I'm going to try and get us back to the main vessel, and you're going to sit quietly behind me as I row."

She glared. "I'll row."

Amras was surprised. The Elf-maiden didn't seem to have been offering purely out of spite and being difficult. "Maidens do not row boats."

Her glare intensified. "You chauvinistic imbecile - I was born in a boat. I was taught to row at the age of five. Do not belittle me with your Noldorin culture. The Teleri actually work instead of wearing stuffy robes and fine silk."

Slightly stung, Amras rose a fine eyebrow. "The Noldor work in forges instead of swimming around, trying to catch fish."

Her mouth twitched with what might have been amusement, had he not killed her people. But instead of dignifying the retort with a response, she simply turned to the water and stood abruptly, unbalancing the pressure on the water.

Amras swore. The boat capsized.

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><p><strong>Sorry. I've decided to do baby chapters. But, this is the character that I must find a name for! Any ideas?<strong>


	2. To Vacillate and Rename

Amras grimaced as he pushed the Telerin girl through the door, and into his room. Then he led her to the bed and sat her down on it, cautiously stepping back in case she decided to make use of the sword hanging from his wooden chair and vanquish him with one cut to the jugular. He pulled a chair over and sat down himself, facing her and scrutinizing her expression. _Was she planning to kill him or make him kill himself with all of the guilt?_

"What is your name?" he asked, as he flipped open a bag of clothing and pulled a tunic out. He doubted that the maiden would fit in one of his pants, so he simply tossed the tunic to her. She caught it with a speculating look in her depressingly grey eyes, and responded.

"I am not telling you."

He stood up, turned around, and almost sighed in frustration as he bent down and picked up another tunic. "Alright. Have it your way." Then he promptly raised the hem of his shirt and prepared to change when a startled and horrified voice stopped him.

"What are you _doing?_" she demanded, covering any view of Amras with the tunic he gave her.

He snorted. "You can't expect me to simply walk about the ship with my clothing dripping wet. It will look suspicious."

"I don't expect you to reveal yourself in front of me either!" For one with a grey head, a calm color, she was quite passionate about her views. "Why can't you just...go outside and change or something?"

"Or you could just shut your eyes!"

And then he cursed to himself as he realized how loud they were, and he dropped the tunic, dropped his hem, and went over to her, clapping a hand over her mouth.

This was going to be harder than he thought.

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><p>Two hours later with a change of tunic and slightly dried pants, Amras felt the urge to get fresh air, and the Telerin maiden was making the atmosphere extremely uncomfortable, with that piercing stare of hers. It was as if she wished to burn a hole through his head, or simply threaten him with silence until he slew himself on the spot, staining the very furniture that the Teleri prided themselves in carving. He had to admit - the Teleri were talented in craft as well, and the ships were nicely built. It was too bad that he couldn't compliment them on it now without taking a stone to the head.<p>

"Hey, Amrod, has Father come out of his room yet?" Curufin asked, pacing around the deck as Amras emerged from the stairway.

Amrod shook his head and combed back several tendrils of long, copper-colored hair with his fingers. "No - he refused to emerge earlier, but I think he's just exhausted. It's been one day since...you know...it happened. I wonder when we will be able to meet up with Uncle Fingolfin's host."

"Considering how Father took off with the ships, I would reckon that he has no intention of going back to retrieve our uncle's host," Amras put in, stepping forward from the shadows with a weary look on his face. "But I am not sure."

Maglor, sitting near the bowspirit of the ship, where the mermaid on the hull extended a long pike from her forehead, sighed at Amras's slight pessimism. "Since when did you become so...cynical, Amras?"

"When I killed that Telerin girl and her husband."

He blinked. "_Toron..._"

Oh, Amras knew that Maglor had regretted the killing of the Teleri as soon as Father pulled out his sword. But, as second-oldest, he was to set an example for his younger brothers, and Amras knew that. He respected Maglor, and looked up to him as a guide. However, now, Amras wasn't sure of what he was pleading help for. Redemption? Recompense? He didn't even know anymore. Val - oh, wait, he was not allowed to bring their name into mention anymore. After all, he had revoked them.

He was starting to regret coming up here, and he turned around and went back down below the deck.

To his surprise, Amrod followed after him and stopped him just before he reached the bottom of the stairway, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"What is troubling you, Amras?"

Amras did not respond; his mind was vacillating between true and false, between reality and fantasy, between his life and the life of one in Mandos.

"You can tell me," Amrod told him softly.

"What is a good name for a girl?" Amras suddenly asked, deviating from the subject.

"What?"

"If I were to...have a pet, and it was female, what should I name her?"

Amrod stepped back, examined Amras, and stepped forward again. "Have you gone mad?"

"No. Just answer the question."

"Um... Well, I suggest Lithlaer."

"Are you mocking me?"

"No! Of course not. I would never - especially not after two days ago."

"Then suggest another name."

Amrod sighed inaudibly and closed his eyes. He couldn't figure out what was behind his twin's mind processes. "Well, you have to describe the pet's hypothetical personality. Then we can give her a suiting name. Is she stubborn? Fiery?"

"She's like a flame. But she's delicate. She burns so viciously, but she, supposedly, is young, gentle, and fragile."

"Then, I think you should name her Lachivren."

"It's settled, then."

"May I ask why you are thinking ahead to owning a pet?"

Amras smiled cryptically. "She can be someone that I could sleep next to...without having it to be awkward because we're both male, and we're brothers."

"Ah, those were good times," Amrod added.

Amras nodded and turned away, and Amrod did the same, in the other direction. They started to walk away from each other when Amras said, his voice barely above a whisper, "Thank you."

And he thought to himself, bitterly: _Those _were_ good times - but what becomes of now?_

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><p><em>Quenya One Word:<br>toron: _brother

_Sindarin Names (Since I am using Sindarin names for this fiction):  
><em>Lithlaer - sand song (lith - laer)  
>Lachivren - flame of crystalline (lach - ivren)<p>

**Crackers, I am so dearly sorry that I didn't get cracking on this earlier. (No pun intended)  
><strong>It was floating in my mind for a while now that I introduce Amrod. But I just didn't know how to start.  
><strong>So...I hope this chapter is up to your expectations! <strong>

There may be some grammatical errors, but I have this bad habit in which I reread the story after it's published, revise one error, go back and read it again, and then find another error, and then go back and revise it and replace the chapter and all of that extremely difficult stuff when I could justread over the entire thing and look for errors _first_, and then deem it satisfactory and publish it. But I'm horribly lazy, so...revisions may not be until I actually see the error when it's published. **Bad habit. I know.**

**Just wondering - did we ever decide on a name for mystery Telerin maiden?**


	3. To Scream and then Dream

Amras was positively sick and tired of seeing blood, and when Lachivren (that was her name, and he didn't care for whether or not she protested against it) was clawing at the door, blood running down her fingertips from splinters, he was ready to jump ship and pay a permanent visit to Ulmo who may or may not decide to drown him for all of the lives he took. Anyone who had sense would have known that he was brooding, unhappy, and the last thing he needed was seeing a maiden, of all people, to bleed.

"Lachivren," he said tiredly. "In the name of the holy Trees, what the hell are you doing?"

Lachivren raised her head from where she kneeled, angrily glaring at the door, where red fingerprints touched the wood. "My name is not Lachivren, you scoundrel!"

Resignedly, he leaned against the doorway. "You will not disclose your actual name; I have no choice but to dub you Lachivren, as I have no creativity in naming anything or anyone and you still remain stubborn against my attempts to be cordial."

"Cordial? You have no idea what being cordial means, Noldo."

Amras laughed. "I did. Once, at least." He crossed his arms over his chest. "I am not sure now."

Her eyes narrowed. "You are absolutely mad. You are a lunatic, and I am stranded on a barge with _you_!" She rose up to her feet and made haste to force her path out of the doorway, but Amras was beyond stronger and could have even taken her on with a missing arm and bleeding leg. Lachivren herself knew that she would not have been strong enough. "Let me through, barbarian!"

"Are you going to jump off of the ship?" he asked quietly, his voice tired, but with a deadly calm.

She was silent for a while.

"Answer me, Lachivren - "

"Stop calling me that, damn it!" she exclaimed. "My name is not Lachivren, and even if you would only name me so to have something to address me by, know that I will _never_ reveal my name to you because you are a murdering, kinslaying bastard, and you killed my family, took their ships, and stranded me aboard!"

"I know." Lachivren slapped him, her hands shaking. There was barely any strength in her strike, but Amras humored her and allowed his head to move to the side with the force of her blow. But he continued. "I know that I am a murdering, kinslaying bastard, I know I killed your family, I know I took the ships, and I know that I stranded you aboard, because you are still here and haunting my very steps as I writhe below deck in the knowledge that I am a _murdering, kinslaying bastard who killed your family, took their ships, and stranded you aboard the very same ship that I stole! _What else do you want to say, maiden, for I will not deny any of them and admit them as willingly as one can after committing a Kinslaying!"

She stood there, still, and he stood there with her, his light eyes filled with a dark, intense feeling that made her feel as if her insides were deteriorating. The only thing she could have done was wounded him with her words, but now that he openly acknowledged that her words did not upset him one bit, she had no weapon. What else could she do but break down and sob?

No, she was strong. She did not cry in front of anyone "I. hate. you." She seemed to only be able to muster three word sentences, but it was questionable if she mustered enough courage to tell him, 'Say you're sorry!' Suddenly, Amras' expression changed from a stoic, calm facade to a worried, concerned one. Lachivren was confused. But as soon as he opened his mouth, confusion cleared and she felt annoyed once again.

"Please, don't cry."

"I'm not going to cry, and especially not in front of you!"

Relief swept past him. Amras didn't know how to deal with crying girls. He'd never seen his mother cry except for when he followed his father, but he hadn't had the time to console her, and his half-cousins never cried in front of him either. And now that he thought of his mother, he strode over to the bed, ignoring Lachivren, and sat down, putting his head in his hands. He could almost imagine a little scene playing out in his head.

_"Mother, Mother, I am back! I have repented, and I will do all that I can to bring my name back from sin!" __And then Lady Nerdanel would cry and sob and hold her last son in her arms, to her bosom, and never let go until they were finally parted as he was called to council with the Valar..._

"Amras?"

Amras looked up, and he nearly jumped back as he saw how close Lachivren was to him. "W-What?"

She leaned back defensively, a scowl overtaking her face. "I just don't like seeing people upset. _I_ actually have empathy."

He sighed. This was going to be a long day.

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><p><strong>Great. I finally updated, me and my lazy butt-self.<strong>

**Sorry, Crackers. I hope this third chapter lives up to your expectations!**


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